His to Ruin Read online

  She’d been at the receiving end of Maxim’s temper often enough to know men turned into beasts when provoked. Nikolai still hadn’t released her. She winced, preparing herself for a blow.

  Instead, he buried his face into the side of his neck, breath warm. She began to shake. His silence proved scarier than any harsh reprimand or blow.

  Sasha wanted to let the words out of her chest. “I just wanted—”

  She couldn’t continue, refusing to justify her actions. Anyone in her position would do the same.

  “I know,” he interrupted, voice harsh. “Fuck, Sasha. I should have known you’d try to escape.”

  He parted from the embrace, gaze narrowing as he lifted her hands. Nikolai looked over her shoulder and let out what sounded suspiciously like a growl. Every muscle in her body seemed paralyzed.

  “You want to get away from me that badly, that you’d use broken glass to free yourself?” he demanded, a tick riding his cheek.

  Nikolai lowered her hands, gaze unreadable. “Answer me,” he commanded.

  “Did you expect me to sit around and do nothing but cry?”

  “If you want to leave that badly,” he began, voice a dangerous caress. His expression took on a glazed, lazy look which terrified her.

  “No,” she blurted without thinking. Her skin crawled, remembering the way those two men looked at her. She lowered her gaze. “I’m so sorry, Nikolai.”

  Dizziness swamped her. Sasha swayed on her feet. The blood loss, combined with meeting those men, was too much. She wasn’t aware of stumbling, but he caught her. She gripped his biceps. How could she think she could have escaped in this state? That encounter with those two men spooked her too much.

  “I’m not going anywhere, not yet,” she managed to whisper, before losing consciousness.

  ****

  “Can I turn the radio on?” Sasha asked, the question catching Nikolai off guard.

  “Sure, sweetheart.” Nikolai shifted on the driver’s seat. At a red traffic light, he snuck her a contemplative look. She lowered the window and leaned against it, eyes shut, seemingly enjoying the wind on her face.

  Three days had passed since her escape attempt. Since that night, they seemed to have reached some kind of stand-off. He hadn’t touched her. God knew he wanted to. Nikolai thought of that sweet, curvy body pressed against his, the way she rested her head against his chest for comfort, something no one had ever done.

  Then his mind crept to the two assholes who’d approached her at the motel. He’d come this close to putting a bullet to each of their skulls and putting them in graves no one would find. It made him furious to think those bastards had the nerve to poach on what rightfully belonged to him. Then he remembered he needed to stay low, and Sasha had looked so shaken, that he only wanted to urge her back inside the motel and help her calm down.

  At that moment, he’d nearly told her she could walk out of his life forever, but she said she wasn’t going anywhere. For some reason, that pleased the fuck out of him.

  Nikolai wanted to do plenty more dirty things to her, too, but he held himself back. He didn’t want to see her tears when he took her. What he wanted was to see her scream out his name in pleasure while he drove his dick over and over inside the tight sheath of her pussy.

  His dick pulsed in his jeans, but he tried to think of other distracting and unappealing things instead.

  “Nikolai?”

  “What?”

  “The light’s green again,” she pointed out.

  “There’s no other vehicles on the road.” He stepped on the accelerator again, going a little faster than the speed limit.

  She let out a squeal of joy, the musical sound of her unexpected laughter stunning him. Nikolai noticed she did like it when he went fast. Still, it bothered him she’d been so well-behaved lately.

  “Last night,” he casually began. Nikolai didn’t want to ruin this moment, especially when she looked so carefree, but he needed answers. “You picked up my cell phone again.”

  She let out a breath. “You were watching me?”

  “Every night.” Nikolai let her take the bed and slept on the couch or chair, deciding she wouldn’t want him invading her space, but he’d always been a light sleeper.

  “Trying to phone someone?” he asked, nonchalant.

  Her expression crumbled, gutting him. Nikolai should have kept his mouth shut. Why did he have to say something shitty like that, when she’d look so happy earlier? Calling her happy would be a damn stretch, because no one in her position could be content.

  “I don’t have anyone to call.”

  Nikolai understood the feeling of loneliness all too well. Aleksander might have been a bastard, but he’d been his only family. When his uncle died, he had no other connections to the world. Only vengeance kept him living, but once he avenged his father, it seemed like his heart had room to love. Keeping a little bright star because being around her made him feel less of a monster, made him selfish. Nikolai didn’t care.

  “The police won’t be able to help me either, because Maxim’s lieutenants have connections, and they’ll only hand me back to them. I can’t imagine what they’ll do to me, but I know how they treat their women.”

  “And you chose to remain with me, because you think I’m a safer choice? Think again, princess.” Nikolai purposely used that nickname, knowing it pissed her off.

  “No, you’re more dangerous than all of his lieutenants combined, but you haven’t taken me by force. Why is that?”

  “Don’t push me, sweetheart,” he warned. “Besides, where’s the fun in that? I want you to come willingly to me, to offer yourself to me without me needing to force you.”

  She scoffed, but one quick look into her direction showed him the faint color rising to her cheeks and her breasts heaving against her chest.

  Nikolai paid attention to the road again. She was lying. Nikolai smiled to himself. She was confused about her feelings, that much was certain, but he knew deep down that Sasha wanted him as much as he wanted her.

  Chapter Eight

  “We’re stopping for gas,” Nikolai said, interrupting her troubled thoughts.

  Nikolai slowed the car and turned into dusty looking station. Only two cars were there, theirs and a rusty old red Toyota.

  “Can I get us something to eat from the convenience store?” she asked.

  He tensed. Nikolai had stopped tying her ankle to the bed last night, but she wanted to see how far he’d allow her to move on her own. Nikolai took out his wallet, putting two twenties in her hand. She stared at the bills in disbelief for a few moments. The cocky bastard wore a smile as he got out of the car. She did the same, fingers trembling as she tucked the bills in the front pocket of her jeans.

  She put her shaky sneakered foot on the ground and steadied herself. They’d made a stop two days ago to a store, and he bought her more clothes, undergarments, and shoes. He’d let her choose, so she picked practical clothing in the event she’d want to attempt escape again. Being around Nikolai was dangerous, Sasha knew that.

  The longer she stayed with him, the urge to break free no longer seemed to be her number one priority. Some part of her even thought it wouldn’t be so bad, traveling with him. She’d never been anywhere in her life, and yet here she was. Not that she’d ever mistake this for some kind of road trip.

  She entered the store and browsed the chips section.

  They both still had enemies. Sasha didn’t delude herself into thinking she had allies. She needed him for her own protection, although she could tell he’d been holding himself back. She’d caught him looking her hungrily when he thought she wasn’t aware. Sasha had even wondered what it would like, being with a man like Nikolai in bed.

  It was wrong, she knew, to want him that way, but she couldn’t help herself. Nikolai was all she had. Although he’d never admit it, the same went for him. Some part of her was even grateful he’d killed Maxim, because he was right. She could still recall the look in her father’s eyes
. Maxim had really believed killing her would be the best solution.

  Sasha grabbed a handful of sandwiches and more water bottles, bringing them to the counter. She paid for them, swiping the plastic bag when she noticed a black sedan pulling up to the station and a man in a suit emerging from the driver’s seat. A man in a suit looked out of place in the middle of nowhere. Plus, he looked vaguely familiar although she couldn’t quite place him.

  Nikolai looked too busy, talking with the gas station attendant. Did he notice the guy in the suit approaching him? Metal flashed in the sunlight. A gun. She froze. Sasha could make a run for it now, leave the guy in the suit to deal with Nikolai. The guy might succeed, and if he didn’t, he would at least buy her some time.

  Except where would she go? Whom could she ask for help? Whom could she trust?

  Even speaking to the guy behind the cashier made her feel awkward. Sasha still hadn’t quite figured out how to act normal, how the outside world worked.

  She needed Nikolai alive.

  How long she’d keep using that excuse, she didn’t know.

  The man in the suit closed in on Nikolai now.

  Sasha opened her mouth, about to scream Nikolai's name, but Nikolai whipped his head, as if he sensed imminent danger.

  Nikolai moved with surprising agility. The guy pulled out his gun, but Nikolai shoved the weapon aside. They ended up on the dusty ground. Sasha ran in his direction, stopping by the car. She peered in the windows. Nikolai had left the keys in the ignition.

  She could still do it, slip in the driver’s seat—except she didn’t know how to drive.

  Excuses. Why did she have so many of them? Why did Sasha keep convincing herself she couldn’t escape, didn’t have a choice when she made the decision to stay with the man who killed her father, the killer who also saved her?

  My possession, he called her.

  Nikolai had lied.

  If she was truly nothing more than an object of lust to him, he would have taken her without remorse. A knife flashed, and she cried out as the blade drew a line of blood across Nikolai’s left forearm. Nikolai drove his fist into the man’s face, landing another punch to his arm, disarming the man. Then Nikolai took the fallen revolver and shot him in the head.

  She muffled a scream.

  “Teddy, call the cops,” the gas attendant yelled to the guy in the convenience store.

  Sasha broke her paralysis and jerked at his t-shirt. “Nikolai, we need to leave. They’re calling the cops.”

  He didn’t need further convincing. Nikolai calmly took out the pump and dropped a few bills into the frightened gas attendant’s hand.

  “Tell the cops what happened here and I’ll come hunting for you and your friend,” Nikolai told the young man, who turned sheet white. Glancing at her, he said, “Let’s go.”

  Sasha got in, still clutching the bag of food on her lap. Nikolai started the engine and drove out of the gas station. They didn’t speak, not for a while.

  “We need to change cars,” he finally said. “The attendant could have memorized the plates.”

  “I want to look at the cut on your arm, too,” she quietly said.

  He snarled, but she was no longer that scared of him. During the three days Nikolai had her, he’d never once raised his fists against her or raped her. Sasha knew it was crazy, but she felt safer with him than anyone else.

  “Fine,” Nikolai said. “I have a first-aid kit in the trunk, but we need to drive a distance away. The response time around these parts must be slow, so I’m not worried.”

  “Okay. I hope you like ham and cheese sandwiches. They were half off.”

  He let out a laugh, the sound carefree. Sasha relaxed a fraction.

  “Any other woman would have been scared to witness that,” he finally said. Was he explaining himself for suddenly bursting into a chuckle?

  “You killed Maxim in front of me. I know what you can do.”

  Nikolai said nothing to that, and Sasha wished she hadn’t reminded him of that fact. Cold anger seemed to radiate from him. He clenched his jaw, knuckles turning white on the wheel. Did her comment piss her off or was it the fight?

  She decided to wait and let him cool down. Still, that incident had shaken her up. How did that man find them? By luck? Something else?

  She shivered and looked out the window again. She and Nikolai needed to talk.

  Chapter Nine

  Nikolai didn’t speak when Sasha urged him to sit on the motel bed. He let her, temper cooling as she fussed over him. The knife cut hadn’t been lethal or deep. He didn’t tell her that though, curious of what she’d do next. He recalled how mad she became when he drove to a secondhand car dealership first, practically glaring at him when he used strips of cloth from his shirt to wrap his arm.

  Her safety came first. Nikolai didn’t think another Petrovich man was on their tail, but it paid to be careful, so he traded the car for another.

  “I’ll get the first-aid kit,” she said when he hadn’t moved an inch.

  Fuck, he was sick of living in motels and eating junk food. He knew the drive unsettled her, but rage had turned his entire body cold, shaking. How the fuck did that suit manage to track them? Nikolai briefly considered the notion Sasha kept in contact with one of Maxim’s men, but he dismissed the thought instantly. He’d watched her every movement, could still see her clutching at his cell phone and looking like a child caught doing something wrong.

  Nikolai had lain awake the past three nights, waiting for her to do it, to phone someone. In the end, she always set the phone down before slipping into bed. She had no one to call, he remembered her telling him that. He didn’t either. Nikolai began to think maybe fate set them on this path together and wondered briefly if a man like him could somehow fill that hole in her heart.

  He let out a bitter laugh. She confused the fuck out of him, dulled his instincts. Nikolai should be thinking about how that fucker found them, not wondering about the impossible.

  She didn’t want him. That much was clear. Nikolai pushed those thoughts aside and focused on the present. She returned with the kit he always kept on hand, and sat next to him. Sasha worked in silence, grimacing as she peeled off the cloth he hastily slapped over the cut, but she didn’t make any further comments, although he had a feeling she wanted to give him a reprimand or two.

  She sat so close to him, he could inhale the soap she used that morning, some cheap little brand she’d bought at the convenience store stop they made two days ago. Her lip trembled while she opened the kit and studied his arm. Fuck, those lips.

  Nikolai had imagined tasting those lips, tasting her as he thrust his tongue down her throat. He yanked his mind from the gutter. She deserved so much better, but tough luck. They were stuck with each other now.

  The disinfectant burned a little, but pain no longer bothered Nikolai. She tended to his wound carefully, furrowing her brows, completely focused on the task. The wounds she’d sustained three days ago seemed better, although not completely healed. She’d been pissed when he insisted she let them heal instead of helping carrying things.

  Damn, she looked adorable. Few women would fuss over their captor. That was just the kind of woman she was. Sasha probably couldn’t bear to see him hurt. Hell, she could have bolted on him. Instead, she’d got inside the car when he told her to. His good girl, except she wasn’t his, was she?

  The knowledge soured his mood.

  Nikolai stood back up, pausing when she tugged at the hem of his shirt.

  “Where are you going?” she asked with narrowed eyes.

  “I need to think.” Being around you is messing with my mind, making me want to do things that will make you hate me.

  She hauled herself to her feet, standing so close to him that her generous breasts brushed against his arm. His dick thickened, straining against the zipper of his jeans.

  “Nikolai, we need to talk. I recognized that man. I think he worked for Anatoly—”

  “No,” he interrupted. Unabl
e to help himself, he tipped her chin, watching her chest rise and fall, her eyes widen at the touch. She didn't pull away from him however. His control was too shaky, too frayed. Those lips hovered so close, he couldn’t help himself. He thumbed her bottom lip, delighted by her little exhale.

  Nikolai banded his arm around her waist, pulling her so close, his chest crushing her breasts. Certain she hadn’t been thinking of escaping him, he fisted her hair with his other hand, exposing her throat, those tempting lips.

  He kissed her, rough and deep, the way a hungry man would. She paused for a moment, as if taken aback. His prick pulsed as she kissed him back, tentatively at first, then more savagely. So good. She tasted fucking better than he imagined. Sasha relaxed against his crushing embrace, and when he pulled away, her mouth remained half-parted, as if she wanted more. Nikolai did, too, but for some reason, he was beginning to have a conscience.

  “Fuck.” Nikolai came this close to shoving her on the bed and having his way with her. He grabbed his jacket and left her standing there.

  ****

  Sasha didn’t know how long she lay on the bed, waiting for Nikolai to come back and, she hoped, explain himself. She didn’t think about the incident at the gas station. Her thoughts revolved around Nikolai, the way he held her, then kissed her. She thumbed her lips, recalling the intense look in his eyes, the way he’d claimed her mouth with relentless need, kindling the same fire inside her.

  She wanted him the same way, and that scared her more than anything. Over the past few days, they’d become allies of a sort. Talking with Nikolai while they had lunch at a diner, made her imagine they were even friends, because he was such a good listener. He’d opened to her, too, had talked about his father, how his life had been different before Yuri died and before his uncle took custody of him.

  Sasha didn’t mind the kiss. It was Nikolai walking away that pissed her off.

  The clock on the wall told her only two hours had passed. It felt like an eternity. Hearing the creak of the door, she didn't know whether to be relieved or worried. Nikolai had returned.