Scarred Monster Read online

  “American royalty” the press called their two families’ union. “A modern fairy tale come to life,” another journalist wrote in her article. A former senator’s daughter who set to marry the governor’s son.

  In truth, her mother hated the guts of Roger’s mom, and their fathers could barely be in the same room together. Roger was the worst. The press painted him as some kind of prince charming of modern politics. His two campaigns failed for a reason. Unlike her father, Roger lacked what it took to lead.

  “I need you to look presentable at the upcoming charity gala,” Roger finally snapped.

  “I know my role,” Liliana answered. She knew her lines, how to act around her parents’ political allies and rivals. “I’ll continue playing your dutiful fiancée one last time.”

  Roger glowered at her. “You bitch.”

  What would Liliana give for the entire population to see Roger’s true face?

  She finished off her coffee before replying. “You can’t have it both ways, baby. Bang as many hookers you want, live your life however you want, but I want out of this mess. Besides, there’s a reason why we haven’t tied the knot. Tell your parents we called the engagement off.”

  Liliana rose to her feet, turned her back and kept on walking. More porcelain shattered behind her. Roger spouted more obscenities, but she ignored them. Liliana had spent the past five years cleaning up his messes. She was so sick of it, and soon, if things went her way, she didn’t need to worry about him anymore.

  ****

  Caleb woke up gasping, his entire body covered in sweat. The horrible sounds still echoed in his head—shrill screams, desperate pleas, and the thud of the bullet when it penetrated cloth, then flesh. On the worst nights, he could smell it too, the stench of the battlefield, dirt, blood, and other unpleasant things, like when a man lost control of his bladder.

  He shoved the sheets aside, the fabric soft, unlike what he was used to. He stared at the bright TV screen and realized he must have left it on. Grabbing the remote, he turned it off. Not bothering with the lights, from under his pillow, he grabbed his phone, the device he’d wedged next to his revolver.

  A civilian didn’t need to sleep with a gun, but some habits died hard. With the nightmare still fresh in his mind, Caleb needed reassurance that tonight was going down. He opened the message, letting out a breath he didn’t realize he was holding.

  The clock on his phone read seven, still two hours away from their agreed meeting time, but would Liliana really show? Why would a brilliant woman like her meet with a broken soldier, a fuck-up like him who could barely adapt to civilian life?

  Oh, he’d been taken off the field, honorably discharged with the usual compensation, but Caleb would always be a soldier at heart. He knew nothing else. The army became his family, and like any family, each tour of duty left more scars on his body and mind.

  Once she caught a glimpse of the ruin that had become his body, would she run away in the other direction?

  It didn’t matter. Caleb needed to see her.

  He read her one-line reply again and again, as if that could strengthen his image of her in his mind. Caleb saw her, at seventeen, wearing his oversized jacket, pressing her grandmother’s cross to his fingers. He touched that little cross now, one he’d worn along with his dog tags, and never took off ever since she gave it to him what felt like an eternity ago.

  Liliana would never know how often that metal had saved him from going completely over the other side. Those he’d served with, at least those who returned home with him, had become all numb and dead inside. Parts of him died, too, but he’d remember that Liliana gave a piece of her heart to him, with the silent promise that someday, they would be reunited.

  Was he even fit to see her? Caleb didn’t know, but the thought of seeing her once more kept him sane. Her letters helped. Caleb thought, as the years passed, they would grow further apart, and one day, he’d stop receiving her letters. It never happened.

  Caleb was lucky to have her. Some of the men who’d been gone too long, had nothing to come back to anymore. It was as if their loved ones gave up on them.

  Last week, he’d attended a former squad-mate’s funeral. Johnny had been found with half his skull blasted off with a shotgun. Caleb had been on the same plane back with Johnny, who’d bragged about his girl giving birth to twins. Caleb didn’t see Johnny’s girlfriend or babies.

  He didn’t want to end up six feet under like Johnny, although Caleb had thought of it several times. The army-assigned therapist he went to once a week told him to close the door on the past, but what if the past refused to release its vise-like grip on him? Some sins couldn’t be forgiven, and he couldn’t keep using the excuse that he was only following orders.

  Caleb had tempered all the rage he’d buried inside him growing up in an abusive household, forged it with discipline, and as a result he’d become an effective killing machine. He’d never forget the expressions on those who fell under his rifle—disbelief and horror. Caleb didn’t need to be a mind reader to know what they thought in their last moments on earth—they died at the hands of a monster who wore human skin.

  If Liliana didn’t show up tonight, he didn’t know what he’d do next in his life.

  Chapter Two

  Liliana’s heart raced, and she fumbled with her sunglasses in the elevator. The couple kissing face in the other corner didn’t give her another glance. Why would they? She didn’t look one bit like Roger Hensley’s fiancée or a former senator’s daughter, not in her comfy gray sweater, favorite pair of denim jeans, and dirty-white sneakers.

  Roger would have a heart attack if she appeared like this in one of his parties or gala, and her mother would freak out.

  Designer dresses and smart suits dominated her closet. Her mother insisted the future wife of a future politician needed to look sophisticated, sleek. Otherwise, no one would take another look at her. Her mother loved to point out the fabrics that would make her less fat. Liliana never really felt comfortable in any of them, or hell, in her own skin for ages.

  Reaching Caleb’s floor, she got out, wiping her sweaty palms on her jeans. She found room 517, two doors left of the elevator, and raised her fist to knock, then hesitated. What if he took one look at her and realized she wasn’t what he imagined?

  Ten years was a long time. Caleb had been on duty the entire time. What if he visualized some idealistic version of her? She was half an hour early, too. Who did that? He might be out, and what would she do next? Hang out in the diner next to the hotel until he showed?

  Nerves frayed, she took deep breaths. It didn’t hurt to try knocking. She rapped her knuckles on the door, blinking as it swung partially open. A growl made the hairs on her arms rise, but she caught the glint of metal at the hollow of a tanned throat, a dark gray pupil staring down at her.

  When Caleb got pissed, his eyes seemed to turn a shade darker, like the color of storm clouds.

  Had Caleb ever been this tall, this big? Even through the slit of the doorway, she could make out the play of hard muscles. Scars.

  What had her Caleb been through?

  Hold on a second. My Caleb?

  In a way, he was. Through the letters they’ve exchanged over the years, they’d formed a strange connection. Caleb didn’t include details of what he’d seen or heard in the field, but wrote about his teammates, about the desolate and depressing places he’d seen. It felt like she knew him better than she knew herself sometimes.

  “Liliana.” Caleb only needed to say her name to tell her what she needed to know. His voice sounded harsh, seemingly full of unspoken need. “You’re early.”

  “I wanted to see you.” Liliana had lied to herself over the past five years, convincing herself she could endure her engagement with Roger. In a way, Caleb was married to the army. She didn’t blame him. They’d been young, uncertain, and stupid. “Are you going to let me in?”

  Caleb took the chain off, leaving the door hanging open.

  Last chance to
change her mind, she told herself. Liliana knew what staying meant—no going back because she’d waited for him to come back home for what felt like forever. She didn’t want to let him go a second time.

  She stepped inside, leaning against the door to shut it closed behind her. “Why is it so dark?” she asked him.

  “I don’t want to frighten you right off the bat.”

  Liliana raised her head, searching for the source of his voice and found it a few feet from her. Caleb had drawn the curtains shut, but the slit provided a little bit of illumination from the streetlights below, highlighting Caleb’s massive frame. Caleb didn’t have a shirt on, only wearing low-slung pants.

  He’d always been big, even in high school, but not like this. The boy she knew had turned into an unfamiliar stranger with hard eyes and scars she bet went from inside out.

  Her mouth went dry, and her nipples tightened. The urge to touch him after all these years arose. She wanted to feel his fist in his hair, to press that firm mouth over hers, reminding her who she always belonged to.

  She caught the glint of silver again and drew a shaky breath, realizing he still wore the cross she gave him.

  “I don’t scare easy,” she murmured. “Come closer.”

  “Liliana, if I come any closer, I’d lose myself. I haven’t been with a woman in ages. It’s always been you.”

  Liliana sucked in a breath. “What about Cathy the medic?”

  “Cathy?” Caleb let out a harsh laugh. “Made up. I got mad when you told me about Roger.”

  “Caleb, what Roger and I have is a pretend engagement. He’d fuck anything remotely attractive on two legs,” she said. “I told him that if he comes near me, I’ll use a knife to cut out the parts he cherishes the most.”

  Caleb laughed, the sound startling her, because laughter seemed rare to a man like him. “That sounds just like you. Fuck. I wish I hadn’t lied to you.”

  “We both have regrets, wrote words we wished we could take back, but we were also kids, trying hard to play at being adults. We made mistakes. Maybe it’s time you forgave yourself.”

  Silence. Only Caleb’s harsh breathing filled the space. Tension racketed.

  “Please, Caleb. I’ve been waiting for this moment for a very long time.” She bit her bottom lip. “It’s only been you.”

  Those words seemed to break the ice. Caleb eliminated the distance between them, shoving a muscled arm on the side of her head. Sweat glistened on his massive chest, and feeling more daring, she pressed a hand to his left pectoral, tentatively fingering the old bullet wound there. She imagined the strong heart beating underneath flesh and bone. She badly wanted it to belong to her, the same way she yearned to become his, in every sense of the word.

  He clasped his big, callused fingers over hers, put them to his lips, and kissed them. A tingle shot up her arm. Caleb ran his fingers over the goosebumps that appeared on her forearm, his touch gentle, curious. She didn’t expect him to be that, especially after his earlier confession. She shuddered, not protesting when he lifted her arms above her head, the motion making her breasts thrust upwards.

  Her nipples tightened to points when he spread his palms over her, holding her. She groaned when his chest rubbed against her tits. Moisture flooded between her legs.

  “I want to see if you’re as sweet as I remembered.” Caleb didn’t ask. He took, but it didn’t matter because she wanted to give him everything.

  Caleb sucked on her bottom lip, nipping at it playfully. Liliana parted her mouth, only for him to thrust his tongue down her throat. Every shred of doubt and self-consciousness that he would find her disappointing vanished.

  Need moved inside her like a storm. He shifted his hands lower, sliding up the hem of her shirt to touch skin. Caleb ran them over her curves, tightening his grip as if he wanted to memorize every inch of her. She locked her arms around his neck as he pulled his mouth away.

  “What’s your verdict?” she whispered, proud of herself for still being able to speak after that mind-numbing, insides-melting kiss.

  “Better than I imagined.” He unclasped her bra. She raised her arms so he could tug the sweater off her. Her bra followed soon after. Caleb groaned, putting his mouth on her left nipple and licking at it in a circle.

  Her back thudded against the wood. She didn’t care who might hear them outside the door. All that mattered was Caleb, looking at her with those hungry eyes.

  “I fucking love these, always fantasized about them in my bunk,” he said, scraping his teeth across the sensitive bud.

  “God,” she whispered, then cried out as he bit down.

  He pulled his mouth away. “Tell me, baby. If I slip my hand into your panties, will I find you soaking wet?”

  “Come and find out.” Liliana had never been confident when it came to sex, but with Caleb, she felt sexy, wanted. He made her feel incredibly alive, like he saw nothing else save her.

  I could always find better elsewhere, she remembered Roger saying, his words making her feel like shit. No, that asshole had no place in her head tonight.

  “I like that you know what you want.”

  Caleb undid the button of her jeans, yanking the denim down, exposing her hips and the black lacy underwear she’d carefully chosen for tonight. Then he pushed his hand past the waistband of her panties and rubbed at her slick pussy lips. She gasped when he put his thumb and forefinger over her clit and gave it a teasing pinch, then slid two fingers in her.

  Instinct made her rub herself against him. He fisted her hair, exposing the line of her throat, which he licked like some kind of savage animal. Liliana’s heart hammered. She liked that, loved the look in his eyes that told her that tonight would end with his dick buried deep inside her.

  “That’s it. Get yourself off like that, you dirty, beautiful girl.”

  Beautiful. Only Caleb called her that. She grew up thinking she’d been different, lacking. It was only later, when she’d started ignoring comments from Roger and her mother, that she realized she didn’t give a fuck what others thought.

  She thrust her cunt against him, growing wetter each time while he left a trail of kisses up her neck. Caleb bit her again, on the spot between shoulder and neck, going all territorial on her, but she didn’t mind. Liliana wanted to wear his marks. She craved more of his touches, his possession.

  At that last thought, she gasped. He pushed three fingers inside her pussy again, and that did the trick. She came, moaning against his warm hand, and he sealed her lips with another searing, rough kiss.

  Liliana closed her eyes, her mind flying. Bliss settled over her body.

  “What are you smiling at, baby?” he asked, sounding amused.

  “How good this feels.”

  “You want more?” He thumbed her clit, drawing circles. She whimpered, unable to speak. “Tell me.”

  “I want your cock inside me.” She let that sink in for a moment. He paused, finger still on her swollen bud. Feeling drunk, reckless, she told him, “But first, I want to see you. I don’t want to do everything in the dark, like this is some kind of dirty little secret. It’s not. You and me, us. We can be so much more.”

  Chapter Three

  Baffled by her words, Caleb said, “Tell me what you mean by that.”

  Fuck, but he was like a man possessed, addicted, and they hadn’t even gotten to the best part of the evening yet. Seeing her come on his hand, that was priceless. His dick felt like a steel pipe between his legs, and he had a hard time thinking with his head instead of his body. Caleb took a step away from her, fumbling along the way wall for the switch.

  “Lights first.”

  “Demanding little thing, aren’t you?”

  “There’s no reason for us to hide from each other. You touched my body, and know I haven’t changed.”

  “Liliana, you’re perfect, and me? I’m a fucking scarred monster who can barely look at himself in the mirror.”

  She approached him, footsteps confident, and he tensed when she brushed a h
and up his forearm, his bicep.

  “You’re the only one who calls me that. Perfect. I’m far from that.”

  Caleb knew she’d harbored insecurities and self-doubt about her body since she was a teenager, but how would she react, if she knew those luscious lips of hers and her maddening curves kept him company on the loneliest nights? He’d imagined her lying next to him, while gunfire rained down somewhere in the nearby town and nervous soldiers chattered about everything and nothing, terrified they wouldn’t see the next sunrise.

  She planted her hand over his chest, over the bullet wound that would have ended his life if not for the quick thinking of his squad-mates and the field medic. “You told me all those years ago this belongs to me. Did you forget?”

  Caleb smirked. Of course he didn’t. Letting out a breath, he turned the lights on, waiting for her reaction. He hadn’t planned on this little show-and-tell. Caleb had imagined one night of passion with the only woman he loved, before they each went back to their normal lives. Liliana seemed to have other intentions, and he planned on finding out what.

  You and me, us. We can be so much more.

  Did that mean she wanted more than a night together? Caleb didn’t dare hope, not yet. If he had his way, he’d spirit her way, make her his in every sense of the word. He wanted to fall asleep with his dick buried deep inside her tight little pussy, his arms around her soft, curvy body, and wake up, body entwined with hers.

  After giving ten years of his life to the army and seeing humanity at its worst, he thought he wanted a quiet life, but he felt like a fish out of water back. It didn’t take him long to realize the most important element missing in his life—Liliana.

  Liliana eyed him, top to bottom, for a few moments. At least she didn’t take one glimpse and make excuses to leave. Under her gaze, he felt exposed, vulnerable as if a phantom knife cut his chest open and exposed his heart, the organ that had never been his own.

  Caleb turned around, letting her have a good look at his back. He expected her little gasp, but that didn’t seem to stop her from touching the scarred tissue that spanned from his shoulder to his lower back.